A match made in heaven
by Morwenlalaith
Summary: Hawkeye's pairing list: Romeo and Juliet? Done. Harry and Bess Truman? Natch. Klinger and the camp mutt? Well...only on 'crazy' days. Trapper and Margaret? ...Come again?


Author's rambling part: Okey doke, this is my first MASH fic so please be nice when you comment. After seeing all those classic episodes with Trapper and Margaret, I just _had_ to do a story about it. So here it is. My Mum and Dad helped me edit, so kudos to them! And hearing my friends argue gave me the basis for Franks snapping.

Rating: PG for now, because if I write a PG-13 for no good reason my Dad will grind me up into a fine powder and sprinkle me on his oatmeal (a la Hawkeye), and I refuse to write a G romance.

Characters. Basically the whole gang. Trapper and Margaret are central though, Hawkeye, Frank, Radar, Klinger, Henry, Kellye and Igor come a close second, and I might dump one of my own characters in for fun.

Disclaimer: How can I say this? Just imagine a masked author with a long purple and blue tye-died robe, running around flapping their arms like a chicken, screeching 'NOT MINE! NOT MINE! NOT MINE!'

Trapper pulled off his surgical mask, "Twelve straight hours of surgery," He groaned, "They can't give us any more."

"I beg to differ Trapper," Hawkeye pointed out, sticking his head in from Pre-Op, "Radar says there'll be another company of Marines here in thirty minutes."

The young surgeon shook his head, "And on top of that, the North Koreans are trying out their new bombs, and they seem to be working pretty well," The company in OR ducked as another bomb landed.

"Aw, shut your belly-yapping," Frank whined, digging into a wounded Sergeant's chest, "I mean, if you're scared or anything….." He grinned triumphantly.

Trapper wasn't so amused, "Listen Frank, if you don't shut up right this very second I'm gonna plug that hole in your face with an appendix!"

"Yeah, Frank, _fermez_ la _bouche_, or I shall _fermer_ it for you."

Frank sniggered, "Help me close him up Nurse. Well, I'm only thinking that if the little doctor is so afraid, he should just go and leave the work to the professionals…."

"You're a professional Frank?" Trapper snorted.

"Well, at least I'm not afraid!" Frank retorted, "Look at him, he's trembling!"

Hawkeye put a hand on Trappers back, then withdrew it speedily, "Good God, he is trembling," He muttered to Klinger.

"He'll be okay sir," Klinger reassured him, smoothing down his dress, " We're all afraid, even Major Pimple-head."

"Take a hike Frank!" Trapper hollered at the Major over the noise of the bombs.

"Yeah Frank, lay off him," Hawkeye snapped, "You can't tell us a wimp like you isn't afraid."

Frank swelled up, "Colonel Blake!"

"I heard, Frank, and if you carry on like that, you'll get more than just a little insult," Henry snapped, throwing a sponge onto the floor, "Damn. Pick that up, will you Nurse?"

"Frank, just take a walk, will you?" Hawkeye asked testily, "There's bombs raining down past our ears and I'm playing cat's cradle with this guy's gut, so we don't need you doing your weasel impression."

Frank puffed out his cheeks and assumed what he obviously thought was an esteemed and brave post, "Well, I don't see what's the problem. We are here, serving our country in the noblest way, driving back the yellow devils with the force of America behind us. War…..it is such a glorious thing."

"Frank," Trapper asked wearily, "Shut up. I feel like I'm about to die, and you're not helping."

"MacIntyre, this is the best thing that can every have happened to us. We are here, destroying the Communist Tide, every red-blooded American doing his part," He bent over his patient, 3o silk in his hand, "Oh, how I envy these boys. How lucky they are, to be fighting those red devils, to be wounded in a war."

Trapper looked at him, disbelievingly, "You think this is good?" He demanded, "Being in a war is good?"

"Why, of course," Frank said silkily, "Why, afraid it will happen to you, Captain Fraidy-cat?"

"Frank, shut up!" Hawkeye yelled.

Frank shrugged and stepped away from his patient, "Well, all I was thinking was if the great Doctor MacIntyre is failing…." He didn't get any further as Trapper lunged at him, hands balled into fists.

"Trapper, stop!" Hawkeye and a couple of Privates grabbed hold of Trapper and pulled him into Pre-Op, "Scram fellas, I'll deal with this," The Privates scurried off, and Hawkeye glared at the other nurses and orderlies that were watching, "Didn't you hear me? Go on, beat it, I'll let you come back in after a minute."

Trapper grimaced as the nurses shot dirty looks their way, "Smooth, very smooth Hawk. I was planning to see a couple of them after OR."

Hawkeye didn't even make a smart comment, "What got into you Trapp? You're usually the one who's holding me back."

Trapper shrugged, "Guess I just got tired of him bossing me around."

Hawkeye shook his head, "No-no, Trapper, that isn't gonna fly. You usually pay him back by playing an extravagant prank, not by trying to duff him up. What's going on?"

Trapper sank to the floor, "I am scared. That's the problem. And he just carries on and on like nothing is wrong...and…and…people are _dying_ out there Hawk? Why can't he see that?"

Hawkeye sat beside him and rubbed his back gently, "Ferret Fink Face has no heart Trapp. He can't see anything besides himself," Trapper grinned weakly, "Listen, don't worry about it. Right now I've gotta go on OR, but later we'll have a chat. Then we'll have booze, get drunk, grab a couple of nurses and forget all about Korea."

Trapper smiled, "Thanks."

"You dumb strong silent types just let everything get on top of you. You go outside and have a break, I'll tell you if I need you."

Trapper gave him the thumbs up and staggered outside, leaning against the wrought iron sheeting. A bomb rained down high overhead, "Ah, shut up," He muttered.

The slam of a door behind him said that someone had come to join him. He figured it was Hawkeye, "Gee Hawkeye, couldn't cope without me for just one second, could ya…." He turned round. It wasn't Hawkeye. It was Margaret, "Hiya Hot Lips, what brings you out here?"

Margaret pressed her lips angrily together, "Can't you be civilised for just one second?" She snapped.

"Not in this place," He indicated up at the sky, "What do you want?"

"Just a moment of quiet," She glared at him, "I don't appreciate what you did to Major Burns…."

"Mighty nice of you to say so."

"And what you did was completely wrong, it was totally uncalled for…."

"What?" Trapper had just had enough, "Listen, Hot Lips, the only time I can cope around here is when Ferret Face isn't shooting his mouth off around here. You two may reckon that war is something that is great and brilliant, well maybe you should get your heads checked!"

Margaret's face flushed, "BUT I realise that what he said was wrong."

Trapper turned round, incredulous looking, "What did you say?"

"I said he was wrong. He had no right to say anything like that to you, and I feel that you had every right to be angry, if not that violent," She moved closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Are you frightened Doctor?"

Trapper put his hand out, letting it shake, "You feel that? That ain't the bomb vibrations darling, that's me. You bet I'm frightened. Aren't you?"

Margaret looked blankly at him, "It's not right of a Major to be frightened. Someone needs to set an example."

All Trappers anger flooded back into him, "Oh right, of course, why didn't I guess? You and Frank, you aren't like us are you? You're completely emotionless, you aren't capable of feeling anything apart from lust for each other and stupid patriotism. You're just machines. That's what you are, machines!" He slumped beside the wall again, "Well, to hell with you. I dunno why I even bothered."

Margaret pressed her lips tightly, "Well, if you weren't so idiotic half the time….." A loud bomb droned overhead, and exploded some metres away from them. Margaret screamed and slipped, falling against Trapper.

"Hey," Trapper asked, a wry smile on his face, as he folded his arms round Margaret, "I thought you weren't afraid?"

"Well….well…maybe I am…a little afraid," Margaret mumbled, putting an arm around his shoulders, "But…they're so loud."

"Really. I barely hear them, of course."

Margaret ignored him, "Trapper…..John….I hear them. At night. And I see them too. All the noise, the fighting, the patients," When Trapper didn't answer, she carried on, "I….I lost a patient in there."

Trapper nodded; he remembered the spotty, grimy faced kid, "I know."

"It was all my fault. If I had handed the instruments sooner…if…if I had been _bette_r at my goddamn _job_ then maybe….maybe," She was sobbing now, face buried in tears, "Maybe he might have lived."

Trapper shook his head and tilted her own face up, "Listen Margaret. I had a look at that patient. He wouldn't have made it. The damage went too deep, and he'd bled a lot already. You couldn't have done a thing."

Margaret nodded tiredly, "I….I….Thankyou, Trapper. I want to thank you. You're a good person, and a great listener. If I'd gone to Frank, he wouldn't have been much help at all."

Trapper grinned, the sort of smile that Margaret had dubbed early on his 'choir-boy smile', "Hey. That's what I'm here for. You ever want a chat again, the Swamp door is always open. Even if I'm not there. There's always Hawkeye. And he's not such a rat as you think."

Margaret shook her head dumbly, ignoring the fact that she was still clinging onto him, "I'll talk to Hawkeye, if he's there. But I'll look for you first."

Trapper's smile disappeared, and he pushed back a wisp of hair from Margaret's face. She giggled slightly, and he bent his head down to kiss her. Their lips had just met……

"Major? Major Houllihan?" Margaret pushed herself away from Trapper, and turned towards Radar, who'd just hurried out, "Major, they need you in Post-Op, right away."

Margaret nodded, "Thankyou Corporal," She said quietly, "Captain," She dashed inside.

Trapper blew out of his mouth noisily, "Thanks Radar, a lot of thanks."

Radar pushed his glasses up from his face, "Aw, gee, did I interrupt something? Oh, I'm really sorry sir."

Trapper shook his head and grinned, "Never mind. Actually I wish you'd come in beforehand. Might have stopped me making a complete fool of myself," He sighed, "Don't worry. Come on, let's get back to work."

A/N: So, what did you think? I know it's slightly warped and odd, but still review please! I need to know how to put Trapper and Margaret together again!


End file.
